Written by: Allyne Oliveira de Lima
Every time I looked for accuracy, logical explanation or the “whys” of intrigues and conflicts in my relationships, I moved even further away from solutions that seemed obvious to many. What I mean by this? That the confusions presented themselves from two people and got bigger and bigger, the more they grew, the less I saw the outcome.
I understand that the excess of guilt, victimism and coitadism takes away our self-responsibility, which leads many of us to look outside, this comes to a limited field of vision, charged with fear, hatred, insecurity and blind love that cloud and hinder the encounter with the most, with the other outside and the others inside (father and mother, for example). This dance of life is not done together, definitely.
Bert Hellinger demonstrates in several of his books the following idea “there are no two without three, the saying goes. Because? From one plus one you get to three. What is number three here? For a couple, three is the child. Three is the number of fullness ”(2019, p.171). We are all children, therefore, all 1 is at least 3.
However, in a relationship for two, the meeting is for two initially, but in this account 1 + 1 can be equal to 6 (Partner + Father + mother) + (Partner + father + mother), during the journey the couple can / must subtract, it is essential to renounce childlike love for parents to prevent entanglements from multiplying. However, I understand that to move towards success we can internally take these parents as a source of life, strengthening ourselves so that the relationship is possible, fluid, light, in this case there is addition and even multiplication in the form of children, prosperity and overflow .
Still on the question of how many we are, Shubert says: [...] in a broader view we know that the father has his parents and the mother also has her parents. That is, from us children there is a sequence of family members that precede us and thanks to which we are here now (René Shubert 2020).
In this sense, we are many and when together we are one (Tribalists). For this reason, these many who live in us present us with information in our souls, which reverberate in blessings and also curses, internal and external conflicts. It is true that the difficulties in human relationships serve for evolution, but when one does not understand this, one of the ways out is to suffer, what most people still do not recognize is that suffering is a place of observation, to get in touch with it towards healing you need to understand where it is taking you.
It is important to consider that the path we take in this journey in history itself is timeless, the characters change, but the stories are repeated. “Nature itself, unconsciously and indirectly, prepares the way through the phenomenon of transference (FREUD in: Jung p. 15).
We are called to become aware of the shadows, to get in touch with the pain / suffering, and, nothing better than the relationship with the "other" to make this meeting an opportunity. How many others are there in one other? This account does not close, see that while we are not aware of it, we demand from partners what we do not receive from parents and this movement is unconscious. If we do not solve this equation, we will complicate the account so that some next generation can solve it and continue (breathe).
Life provides us with encounters, in these encounters we are never alone, the "other" is also not alone. Our 1 is full, they are experiences, values, justifications, excuses, pains, traumas, regrets, our suitcase full of reasons, maybe because of that, we are unable to listen, or even see with our eyes what has beyond the other that it also comes with its own reasons.
I realize that this expanded look that leads us to an infinite equation is for a few, it is the curious, strong, courageous, bold, those who are involved in the search for the individual transformed / transforming itself. This specialization and deepening occurs in contact with the other.
Pretently, I presented here an account with multiple possibilities, the equation of love, full of complications. So, we can find different solutions for one equation very similar to another, with each solution it is possible to make a new account, more complex and with more elements and at that moment, what matters least is the outcome, take advantage of everything that the path offers you . We start from 1 + 1 and every day we add, decrease, divide and multiply.
Hellinger, Bertt.A Simetria Oculta do Amor – Por que o amor faz os relacionamentos darem certo/ Gunthard Weber e Hunter Beaumont. Editora Cultrix, 2006
Hellinger, Bertt. Meu trabalho. Minha vida - A autobiografia do criador das Constelações Familiares. Hanne Lore Heilmann; tradução Karina Janini. - São Paulo: Cultrix, 2020.
Jung, Carl Gustav. O eu e o inconsciente. Tradução: Dora Ferreira da Silva.21 ed. Petrópolis, Vozes, 2008.
Shubert, René. Texto publicado por René Schubert na plataforma Movimento Sistêmico em 2020 - https://www.movimentosistemico.com/post/aos-meus-pais-palavras-m%C3%A1gicas